Ansichten eines Babys

Oh, people, I tell you. When you come again on the world, then see to that you overspring the first year.
It brings you nothing like trouble. It begins with the birth. When you come out of the dark of the fruitbubble and the mother-cake into the light of the OP, you have really done a heavy piece of work.
You are fix and ready. It is you cold, you are hungry, and you want your Ruh!
But what make they?
They hang you up head-downwards and beat you nearly k.o. With the flat hand. Can you remember?
Ouh!!! That hurts!!!
They have really the nerve to mishandle you in the first minute of your life! And when you cry loud enough and quiek like a little pig, they stop the mishandling and are happy. And then, you know it very well, then they throw you in the water bassin to wash you.
Can you imagine?
You have overhaupt not yet the time to make you dirty. And they throw you already in the water.
Brrrr!!!
Sadistic bastards!!!
Brothers and sisters!!! I say, they have a wheel off, all these large people.
And this not yet everything!
When you are nearly a water-leich, they rubbel you that you mean, they draw you the skin off. Then they throw you on so a funny machine to look how heavy you are.
And when you have luck, they tell your mother what you are: a blue one or a pink one. And maybe your fresh-baken, pale-faced and stupid-looking father stotters: "It lives, the little difference!!!"
Idiotic, so what!!!
And the they pack you in like a liver-sausage. And then, they bring you to your mother.
But you cannot see her. Because you are still blind like a mouth-throw.
And she says:"Eideideidei."
Funny language.
You understand her not.
You want to speak. But it klapps not.
There comes only a mickery "Wäähh!!" out.
You want your mother say that you are hungry and that you need what between the teeth.
Teeth!!!?!!! Forget it! Oh, my friends, know you now what I mean?! We are all the same misconstruction!!
Only with the little difference between pink and blue.
We cannot walk, we cannot speak, we are blind, we can nothing.
Only schlabber the mother-milk (it tastes not so bad), rülps, sometimes kotz,m sleep, shit,pincle, and that was it already.
And after a few weeks, they schlepp us in the church. I hate him, this man in the black schirt. With a grinsing face, he kipped me a pot full of water over the head. I tell you, when I am a little bit larger, I bring him the water back. I pincle him at the leg. Yes, that make I.
Are we not the poorest of the poors? They make with us what they want.
We cannot protest.
And when we make "Wäähh!!" - this is the international babyprotest cry - they say "Eideideidei!" and "Wattadudenn".
What is`n that for an answer, ask I you.
There comes me the cold mother-milk high.
And this whole family; uncles, aunts, grandmothers (with only one tooth), grandfathers, and, and, and.
And all the schlabber-kisses.
And all the knutschery. Wäh!
And what they everything say: "Oh, it sees his father similar!" "You hollow nut! Can you not see that it has the nose from his mother?" "I think you have a knick in the optics!! I say the most has it from his grandfather motherly-sides!!" "Ooh! Look!! It smiles me on!!"
This stupid person. Thinks, I smile her on. There-by have I only let one pull.
They should better hol me out of these shit windles!!
And I am hungry like a wolf! MOTHER; WHERE IS YOUR BREAST??!!?? I NEED A DRINK!!!!! Wwwääääääääähhhh!!!!!

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